"The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." We mean, of course, to encourage someone pondering a major change not to act carelessly. The idiom seems insufficient, though, in its failure to appreciate two truths. First, that sometimes the grass, or at least patches of it, on the other side of the fence really is greener. Second, that the weeds and thorns and such on this side of the fence really are bothersome. A more accurate, though less succinct, piece of advice might be, "Sure, there are some dazzlingly verdant patches of grass over there, but there are also thorns the likes of which you've never imagined, and your chances of avoiding them are slim to none, so you'd better believe that greener grass is worth its accompanying pain before you jump the fence."
The reality is that just about every situation in which we might possibly find ourselves - or find ourselves pondering jumping into - is filled with good and bad, and we have to weigh those pros and cons carefully. Choosing one side over the other eliminates neither that side's disadvantages nor the losing side's advantages. We should be confident enough in our choice to acknowledge that it isn't perfect, and gracious enough in our bearing to admit the other side's clear advantage in certain areas. At the same time, we need not apologize for the greenness of our position.
This is how I view our decision to educate our children at home. In the beginning, we did not plan to make a lifestyle of home education. We spoke casually of taking it a year at a time, probably home schooling through first or second grade, and then sending them to school. Now, as we prepare to begin fourth grade and add a third student to our home school (Luke remains an active observer, though not of official "student" status), I honestly don't know if our children will ever attend traditional school. I anticipate co-ops, online courses, and dual enrollment, but sending them out with a backpack and bag lunch in the morning and welcoming them home again just in time for their afternoon snack... It wouldn't be the end of the world by any stretch, but it's hard to imagine. I love what we do for reasons too numerous to count, and I don't really want to do things differently if we don't have to. I wondered, as Elisabeth graduated from play school a couple weeks ago, if that would be our family's only graduation till college. (Yes, they have home school graduations, but these are extra, not standard, not expected).
Anyhow, I do not know what the future holds and maintain a philosophy of taking it a year, a month, a week, a day at a time. God alone knows if the day will come when we feel compelled or inspired to send our children off to school, and God alone knows when that day will come. In the hypothetical meantime, every spring and at various times during the year when we struggle to determine what is best for a particular child and for the family as a whole, I carefully weigh our options. There are advantages and disadvantages both to traditional school and to home education. Part of the educating-our-children gig is deciding which option's advantages more soundly trump its disadvantages. It won't be the same for every family, or even every child. You might think something I count as a strength of home education is a weakness. That's fine. Your list of pros and cons, and the weight you assign to each of them, will direct how you educate your child. Mine will guide me. We don't have to agree. I just hope we can give each other credit for doing our best on whichever side of the fence we choose to stand.
I want to say, before I continue, that any disadvantages of traditional schooling that I point out in the following paragraphs are not meant to disparage traditional schooling, only to point out what I see as disadvantages to the system. In and of themselves, I don't think they would prevent me from sending my children to school. The disadvantages of traditional school, while they at times make me thankful that we home school, are not the reasons we home school. The advantages of homeschool are why we do what we do.
Education is important. Period. Given the choice between school and no school, school would win hands down. But when home school comes to our family's ring, traditional school bows out of the fight until such time we deem home school worn out and no longer useful. I haven't been tested in this conviction, but I hope that if traditional school is ever our best or only option, I will send my children with confidence and faith. Because there are great teachers out there, some of whom I am genuinely sad not to have the opportunity to call my kids' teachers. And because I know many bright, creative, wonderful children who thrive in both private and public schools, even supposedly subpar public schools. And because there are many aspects of the school setting that I think would greatly benefit my children... if only we weren't so drawn to home education.
But we are drawn to home education. It isn't perfect, as my list of cons will show, but its advantages thus far have outweighed its disadvantages - for our children and our family, but clearly not for every child and every family. Please understand that these are not lists of why we don't send our children to school and why we do home school. They are simply things I have come to see as disadvantages and advantages of home schooling. None of them alone is a deal breaker or maker. Rather, it is the sum of these and many, many more pros and cons plus a good dose of prayer that have led us to the belief that home education is the best choice for our family for the present time and foreseeable future. I have intentionally left out the areas of faith and academics because my opinions on those matters are too lengthy and complicated for this particular format - and because I believe that these issues depend more upon parental priorities than upon the school environment or lack thereof. If parents care about faith and academics, they will nurture their children's hearts and minds whether they send them to school or teach them at home. But that's another subject, and so without further ado, the lists to which my title alludes...
CONS
1. Home Education limits social interaction. Yes, I said it. I'm not afraid to mention the "S" word, nor to admit that socialization is a concern. For me, it's a relatively minor concern, but it does bother me a bit that my children's social circle is as limited as it is. Growing up in Palm Beach County, Florida, diversity was unavoidable. I had several friends for whom English was a second language and was exposed to various aspects of their native cultures as I visited in their homes. I spent time with people from various cultures and family structures and people of various religious beliefs and socioeconomic standings. Here in our small Southern town, diversity is a little harder to come by, especially when our social circle is narrowed down slightly by our choice to home school. I'm not saying everyone we know is just like us, but in the grand scheme of things, most of our friends are pretty similar to us. Even if they don't home school, they hold similar values and are of similar backgrounds and views. There aren't many opportunities for heated debate or gross misunderstanding. I'm sure that if the kids were in school, they would meet more people more different from them. Ultimately, they would learn that a lot of those who are "different" are just like us, after all. That's a good lesson, one I hope our children don't miss out on.
2. Home Education may lack structure. If I told you what time we get going some mornings, you'd either think home schoolers are lazy or want to home school yourself. We get up when we get up, and get going when we get going. We complete our work, and a lot of it at that, but our daily schedule can be pretty... undisciplined. It's not a good thing, I know, but I won't apologize for it. It's something we have to work on, something I hope will improve year by year as the little ones get older, the older ones grow more independent, and I remember what a full night of sleep is. There are days when I wonder how my children, when grown, will ever be able to get up in the morning and get to work on time. We're just not good at mornings. Sometimes I think school, specifically its requirements to be there on time, to follow directions exactly, and to complete assignments on time - would benefit my children enormously.
3. Home Education requires one to be with her children all day. I'm not kidding. All day, folks. I love my children. I love them more than life itself. But when life requires me to, I don't know... sit on the toilet, sometimes there aren't enough locks in the world to make me feel safe from invasion. Sometimes, there isn't enough coffee in the world to make me feel energized enough to keep up with the constant demands and desires of four lively children. Sometimes, there isn't enough chocolate in the world to comfort me when the day just won't end. Sometimes, the most articulate prayer I can utter is, "Dear God, help me through this day!" Home schooling is intense. The children have classes and clubs here and there, and they play outside and in their rooms, but I am rarely alone. Most of my rare solitude is of the sort that interruption constantly threatens.
4. Home Education is emotionally draining... for the reasons mentioned in the last paragraph, as well as for the burden of being your dearly loved children's primary educator and preparer for the future. I think I speak for most home educating mothers when I say that we pour more time, energy, thought, and emotion into home schooling than we have into almost anything else we've done. We aren't just preparing young people for their futures, we are preparing our own dear babies. It is a huge effort, and hugely drains every resource we possess. And we don't always have many opportunities to refuel, again for the reasons mentioned in the previous paragraph. We must constantly remind ourselves of our priorities and constantly turn to God for the strength to stick to those priorities. Otherwise, we end up a mess, as I can personally testify. (As could my husband and children, I'm sure...)
5. Home Education is costly. Every year, when I plan out the coming year's curriculum, I shudder as I add up the costs of our books and supplies. Every year, the number gets a bit higher. I cringe when I hit the "PAY NOW" button. Home education is not cheap. Most home school families rely on one income, further increasing the financial costs of home education, as the family income is not bolstered by the teaching parent (usually Mom).
PROS
1. Home Education limits social interaction. As much as I would like to broaden my children's social horizons, I admit that I am thankful for a few things to which they are not exposed. For example, I am more than okay with my kids not taking Sex Ed on the playground from kindergardeners who know more about sex than I do and nothing about healthy, stable relationships. I'm also more than okay having my children at home when I hear that a fourth grader stabbed a classmate in the bathroom of one of our local schools this spring. I don't hear of such things or remember the K4 class I taught in which one child climbed on top of another and a third came to tell me, "They's hunching... You know, doin' the nasty!" without a small sigh of relief that we don't have to deal with those things now. I don't want to keep sex and violence from my children. They have to know that this stuff exists. I just prefer introducing these subjects at the appropriate ages and in the appropriate contexts. I also like knowing their friends and their friends' parents. I like that we are friends with entire families because we don't just invite "a" friend over. We invite a friend and all of his siblings and his mother, too. Our kids learn to play with children of various ages, boy or girl, and to look out for the younger ones in the group. No one cares what anyone else is wearing or what book they're reading or if they can't even read.
2. Home Education allows great freedom. While I struggle with our very loosely structured lifestyle, I am thankful for the flexibility we have as home schoolers. We can visit museums on off days, thus avoiding unpleasant crowds and allowing us to enjoy the exhibits longer and more fully. We can sleep in when soccer games keep us out till nine or ten or when bad dreams wake a child in the middle of the night. We can start school late when someone wakes up out of sorts. We can cancel school when everyone is worn out - or when the spring makes its first glorious appearance. We can take days off to visit family and friends. We can start school in June, homeschooling through the stiflingly hot months of July and August, and finishing in time to enjoy the nicer weather of April and May. Making our own schedule is great.
3. Home Education allows one to be with her children all day. There are so many things I would miss if my children were in school. Today, my daughter asked, "How do you write, 'My mom is my friend?' How do you write, "My mom is my best buddy?'" I am so glad I was there to hear her ask those precious questions with my own ears. I am equally glad that I got to tell her. I love teaching my children new things, guiding them through the process of discovering the new worlds of reading, writing, math, art, science, history... All of it! And I love discussing with them what they have learned, hearing their thoughts and watching them connect information and ideas together in their own unique ways. I love the sometimes surprising, sometimes silly, sometimes deep questions they ask - and the challenge of answering these questions honestly and adequately. Sometimes their thoughts and questions are so disconnected from what we have been talking about at the moment that, had I not been with them through the entire day (or week or month or year), I might not know what they are talking about. But I have been with them, and if I reach far enough into my memory, we can have lovely conversations about how something we studied months ago relates to what we studied yesterday. I also see the daily and continuing personal struggles - with their defeats and triumphs - each child has. Parents who don't home school see these things, too, but being with them all day, every day provides more time, and therefore more opportunity, to observe these things. Sometimes I neglect to take full advantage of my added opportunity to observe, appreciate, and guide my children, but I have it and I try not to take it for granted.
4. Home Education is emotionally exhilarating. Just as in Point 4 on the CONS list, I directed you to Point 3, so now I point to the above point to explain why home education is emotionally exhilarating. I get to do so much with my children! I get to watch them make connections and conquer skills they once considered impossible! I get to share with them in the victories of a finished math lesson, a book read, a conflict resolved, and a heartache relieved. All the struggles and sacrifices and doubts pale in comparison with the amazing joy of knowing I have been present with my children, consciously and positively sharing in the good and the bad.
5. Home Education is worth the cost. When you add up the financial cost of home education, it seems like a lot. When you compare it to the cost of private school, it isn't so daunting. For what it will cost us to home school three children, we could put two of them in private school, but they could only stay there for a month. My preliminary estimate for school books for next year - when I will be teaching three children - is about equal to what we paid to send Elisabeth to play school three mornings a week this past year. In the grand scheme of things, it's not a bad deal. Each of my children will receive an broad education tailor-made to suit his or her needs, abilities, and interests. They and I will struggle through the many challenges of home education, and by God's grace, we will learn and grow. The coming year will challenge my patience and sanity at times, but I trust that both will remain intact. I trust that I will learn and grow as much as my children, and that when the year ends, we will all be a little better off than we are now. As a picture of our past year emerges through the settling dust of many failures and victories, I see a year in which our family struggled and strove, a year in which we covered a lot of information and learned a few secrets of who we are and how we function as individuals and as a family. If we take Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's words as our motto, "Progress not perfection," we have indeed had a great year. It has been worth the cost on every level.
There are disadvantages to home education, and I am glad to have reminded myself of them today. Facing the disadvantages serves as a reminder to take steps to avoid or minimize their effects. That, however, is an entirely different post... This one, my friends, is more than long enough!
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