The "S" Word :0

It's a word that makes homeschooling mothers shudder.  Socialization.  Hearing it, our hearts swell with fear.  We are afraid, very afraid...

...  that we might lose our fragile hold on civility and inform the individual who has just asked, voice dripping with dismay, "But aren't you worried about socialization?" that there are more than a few "social skills" we don't consider all that important and more than a couple that we are quite content for our children not to acquire at all.

Still, socialization is an issue we must consider.  Though we might debate which social skills are admirable and which are not, and how to go about encouraging the more admirable skills and discouraging the less admirable skills; and though we might debate a thousand different aspects of this thing called "socialization," including what portion of a child's social skills can be attributed to his schooling, rather than his personality and the personalities of the people around him (i.e. his family), the fact remains that as human beings, we and our children are social creatures in need of... drum roll, please...  socialization.




Recently, I relaxed in a pool with my children.  A young girl ventured from the steps to swim the length of the pool, upheld by a life jacket.  She spent several minutes determinedly swimming from one end to the other and back again. Then she exited the pool, pranced over to a lady lounging with a book on a poolside chair.

"I swam all the way across the pool!" she exclaimed.  "I swam all the way across four times!  Watch me!"

She ran back to the pool and resumed her laps.

The uninformed observer might easily assume the little girl in question was inviting her mother to revel in her new accomplishment.  This was not the case.  The girl's mother was, in fact, relaxing in the pool with her children, marveling first at her daughter's courage to abandon the steps she had just minutes before trembled to leave; then marveling at her daughter's determination to conquer the task of swimming all the way across the pool; and finally marveling at her daughter's enthusiasm to invite a complete stranger to share with her in her triumph.

Since my wise and wonderful sister, who knew me in my childhood, has been known to read this blog, I won't pretend that I don't know where she came by this glimmer of precociousness.  I am far more reserved than I was as a child, but not so much so that I do not recognize and delight in my daughter's openness, in her desire to connect with others.  She is a social little thing, always looking forward to - and even dreaming about - playing with her friends and often sneaking her hand into her friends' mothers' hands, if not up to their ears.  (Those of you who know her will either smile or cringe :)).  In many photos of her with her friends, her eyes are fixed on a friend, a smile illuminating her entire face.

Without a doubt, this girl loves people.  Watching her interact with others, I've realized that I cannot afford to ignore this issue of socialization.  Not in the sense that I have to make sure my children are "well-socialized," whatever that means...  but in the sense that I must provide ample opportunities for them to build their own social networks, their own groups of friends who will allow them to explore their identities as individuals apart from parents and siblings and who will provide for them an extra layer of love - voluntary, unconditional, not-just-because-we're-family love - to strengthen them against the trials that are sure to come as they grow into adulthood.

And my daughter, though on the surface the most sociable and charismatic of my children, is not the only one who needs this type of socialization.  My sons, not always as people-conscious as their sister, also need their own people.  We all do.

In previous posts I have written about reading and art, two areas dear to my older sons, but important to all of my children.  Soon, I hope to write about athletics, a field (pun totally intended) of emerging interest to my youngest son.  As I consider each child's special love, the universal importance of each of those loves presses upon my heart and mind and I desire to incorporate more of those loves into each of their lives.  Tonight, I thank God for my girl, for her love of people, and for the lessons I am learning through her - lessons I hope will benefit her and her brothers as much as they benefit me.

And I hope that as we move forward and build networks of friends for each of them, I will be able to look with love at the groups of children in whom my children find shelter -whatever those friends look like and however "socially adept" those friends may be - and answer with confidence, "Nope, I'm not worried one iota about socialization!"