Lessons of Motherhood

My morning began with lovely video on the lessons of motherhood from my friend April and a blog post from my friend Sarah on the frustrations of motherhood on trial.  Both made me think of what I might say to a new or soon-to-be mother, things I wish I had known from the beginning.  So here's my list.  Please add to it!

1.  It doesn't matter how many children someone else has raised, they haven't raised yours.  You might feel like a complete idiot, but you know and love these kids better than anyone else.  Those might be your only credentials.  I know it's scary, but you're the expert now.

2.  Your body is a miracle.  In it, new life is conceived and sustained, and it continues to sustain that life even after the separation of childbirth.  It supplies nourishment and offers comfort no other body can offer.  Your body - every curve of it -  is Mommy.  So forgive it if it doesn't ever look quite like it did before baby.  It's been busy with matters far more important than living up to your unrealistic expectations.

3.  Sleep will come again.  (At least they tell me it will!)  In the meantime, you'll learn to cope.  One of the greatest miracles of motherhood is how well we can function on so little sleep.

4.  It's okay to nurse them to sleep.  It's okay to carry them all the time.  It's okay not to let them cry in the nursery.  You aren't fostering an unhealthy attachment.  Eventually, they'll go to sleep without you and run - on their own two feet - into new situations without so much as a look back to see if you are following - because they'll know you're always there for them.

5.  Don't feel guilty if you need a break...  or if you don't.  It's okay to take some time for yourself, and might do you a world of good.  But it's also okay to be with them all the time.  Before you know it, they'll think they're too old for hugs and kisses.  You'll have to sneak into their rooms at night after they've fallen asleep just to kiss their foreheads.  (When that time comes, make sure they know what you're up to.  They probably won't admit it, but they need to know you still can't get enough of them.)

6.  All those things you said your kids would never do...  They will do them, and it won't appall you nearly as much as it did when you were twenty and someone else's kid did it, because you'll know the whole story.  You'll also know that some battles aren't worth fighting, at least not right here, right now.

7.  You will make mistakes.  They will forgive you.  Forgive yourself.

8.  No matter how many babies you have, the last one has as much power as the first had to make you feel helpless and keep you up all night just to make sure he's still breathing.

9.  She might have your curls, daddy's eyes, and your spunk, but she has a whole lot more that is exclusively hers - and that will amaze you more than anything else.

10.  You will never be the same again.  You won't want to be, either.