The Essence is of Time

Like many mothers, a part of why I homeschool is... in my sweetest, most angelic, maternal tones... "because the time is so short. Soon, my children will be grown and on their own, and I want to spend as much time with them as possible. Besides, I want them to have ample time to explore and develop a wide array of interests and passions."

Ah, time in which we cherish our darlings as they grow, discover, and develop into full-grown human beings.

Somewhere along the line, though, usually midway through a homeschooling year, something happens.

We forget that the essence of what we do is the time we have with our children and the time they have to develop through study, creativity, play, and a host of other daily experiences.

We rush our children to get the bulk of their schoolwork, if not all of it, done before lunch. Play can wait. Work first. While I see the importance of prioritizing, I wonder if this hurried attitude links study with work, and ultimately, with treachery. (That's another post...) At any rate, it tends to lead me to anxiety, as I worry that I'm not doing everything I need to do in the time in which I ought to do it. Instead of the essence being of time, time become of the essence. We MUST get school done NOW!

But what if, rather than time being of the essence (chop, chop), we remembered that the essence is of time? What if we structured our days so that school does not equal work, but that disciplined study becomes a natural part of the great experience of a relished life? What if we ordered our days not so that the books are all put up by a certain hour, but so that our children's minds have periods of activity and rest throughout the day... so that their minds are able to absorb and ponder one subject before moving the the next?

I'll admit that I stink at schedules. I am dreadfully distractible. I'm sure that plays into the thoughts expressed above, and I'm sure some would be appalled to think of not getting ALL of the schoolwork done before playing Legos.

But I really, really, really like the idea of letting our days flow seamlessly through all of our duties... from study to play to rest to study to play.... or however you want to distinguish and order our activities. I want to hold fast to the belief that time is to be savored, both in our attitudes and in our routines.

As I've played around with this whole philosophy of lesson planning and living, I've noticed that it allows me to spend more time guiding each child through his or her lessons. The pressure to "keep everyone on the same page," literally or figuratively, has eased. We are free not only to take the time we need, but to savor the time spent working together, one-on-one, through what I still believe must be done, even if not done at a particular hour of the day.

I feel I'm getting back to the essence of why I do what I do, and it's a fine time to be here.

The Aim of Parenthood

What is your aim for yourself and for them? 

What do you hope for them? 

And yourself?

The questions above come from a member of my church and are questions I believe every parent should consider. What are our goals for our children? What do we hope for them? What do we hope for ourselves? All well worth considering.

The simple answer is found in the words of Jesus Christ in John 10:10 -

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

My aim for my children is life to the full.

In regard to God - 

I desire for them to know and delight in their Creator and Savior. I do not want them to go through the motions of church, but to revel in the life of Christ, wherever He leads. I want Jesus Christ not to be an overused name, but their very real redemption, consolation, strength, hope, and joy. I want them to embrace God, not out of fear or guilt or tradition, but out of love and thankfulness and sincerity.

In regard to Family - 

I want them to consider their siblings their closest friends. Having lost one sister, I know siblings are irreplaceable. Having developed a close friendship with my remaining sister and having gotten to know my brother as an adult, I know how no one keeps you grounded like the ones who... well, got you grounded. Siblings know your weaknesses and strengths - in part because they share many of the same ones. They also know your history like no one else. So I want my children to make the best of that when they are grown.

Of course, I want them to love their parents, now and always. More importantly, I want them to know their parents love them. No. Matter. What. I want them to know that we will always be there, seeking their best and ready to give all we have for their good. (And if they stumble upon this blog, "their good" does not necessarily mean an iPad, a cell phone, a $200 Lego set, a car, or any other number of things that might not be as necessary as they think!) I want them to look back on their childhoods with fondness and look to the future with hope, knowing we're cheering for them all the way.

I want them to find spouses who will love, honor, and enrich them. I want them to give themselves fully and only to their spouses - not settling for cheap imitations of love, but waiting for real deal and then diving in with zeal, fully committed to growing old and gray with the one they have chosen. I want them to know that a happy marriage is a decision they make. Every day. And I want them to make that decision. Every day. I want their spouses to make the same decision. And I want them to give me grandbabies. Lots of them, so I can coo over their darling little faces and remember the days when my own sweet babies were small enough to hold in my arms.

In regard to Others -

I want them to treat others with respect and kindness. I want them to forgive and love freely. I want them to appreciate the abundance of their blessings and seek to bless others.

In regard to Self - 

I want them to be confident, yet humble, and as gracious toward themselves as they are toward others. (And I want that to be super gracious!) I want them to view their mistakes as lessons, their weakness as opportunities, and their successes as gifts. I want them to find something they love to do and something at which they excel.  Hopefully, those will be one and the same thing. Without being prideful, I hope they will recognize the gifts they have to offer to others and delight in offering up the fruit of their labors.

In short, I want them to have life, and have it to the full.

And what do I want for myself? 

I guess it's pretty simple, really. I want all that I want for my children and two things more: 1) I want to be a woman who faithfully models all of these things for her children, and 2) I want the joy of seeing my children rise to take hold of them.

Thanks, Ruth, for the excellent questions!

Dinner and a Movie

Dinner and a movie... who, what, where, when, how, and why?

It was hard not to laugh aloud when I read the first suggestion for the topic of my next blog post. Dinner and a movie never fails to stir up a long list of questions as Geoff and I try to coordinate schedules, find and engage a babysitter, pick a place to eat, pick a movie, prepare the kids for an evening without us, familiarize the babysitter with the household and routine... 

Which might be why the last movie I remember seeing in the theater was a matinee showing of Curious George, and I hardly think that counts as dinner and a movie. First, there was no dinner. Second, we had all of our children with us. To give you an idea of how long ago that was, I'm pretty sure our five-year-old was a baby, and our three-year-old wasn't even on the horizon.

We have a rocking social life.

Nevertheless, we do manage dinner and a movie every now and then, but it's not what it used to be. Generally, it goes down one of two ways.

1.  Family Movie Night
1. Who? The whole family sacks out in the living room, at least in the beginning. Sometimes we'll have eaten together at the table, sometimes we eat watching the movie. Depending upon the movie, Luke or Geoff might wander off. A couple of times, I've taken Elisabeth to another room, set up my laptop, and treated us both to a little therapy in the form of Anne of Green Gables or Ramona clips. Face it, there's only so much Star Wars a girl can take.
2. What? Dinner is often pizza or Chinese take-out. Easy to eat, easy to clean. The show varies from movies we've always wanted to share with our kids (Star Wars, The Princess Bride) to movies we suffer through for their sakes (Eragon) to movies we're surprised to find ourselves enjoying along with them (Sky High, How to Train Your Dragon, Tangled). Sometimes it's as simple as an episode of a television show they enjoy.
3. Where? Living room.
4. When? Typically a Friday and Saturday, after a long week of late nights and meetings, usually instigated by Dad, who is ready for a quiet night with the family.
5. How? Snuggled between two kids. If I'm lucky, I land between the two big ones who have a dreadful habit of thinking they are too old to snuggle with their mother. (Silly boys...)
6. Why? While not particularly romantic - as evidenced by the above description - Family Movie Nights are pretty nifty. They are a time to sit back and revel in the life Geoff and I have built, to laugh with one another and our children, to cast each other glances of understanding, appreciation, and in the case of certain movies (Eragon comes to mind) sympathetic support of a mutual trial. Geoff and I grow closer to one another and to our children through Family Movie Nights, and while it might not be the same as going to Outback and the latest release, we're investing in one another and in our entire family. We'll have plenty of time to go out alone when the kids are older. Before we know it, we'll be sitting in our living room, staring at our empty couches, wishing for one more Family Movie Night, and considering Eragon a miniscule price to pay for the joy of time with our children. Because it isn't about the what, where, when, or how... It's about the who, and from the moment they were conceived until forever, these four people who carry our genes are a big part of our who.
2. Date Night In
1. Who? Just me and the hubs.
2. What? Either episodes of a show we enjoy or have missed (Burn Notice, Downton Abby, Parenthood, Ballykissangel) or a Netflix disc we decided should vacate its two month home atop our television. Right now, I think we have a Pirates of the Caribbean movie hanging out up there. On the food side of things, occasionally we'll buy good ice cream (Blue Belle or Ben & Jerry's). 
3. Where? Again, the living room. 
4. When? Again, Friday or Saturday night. If we're allowed to count Parenthood and Burn Notice, when those are on, it's an hour on a Tuesday or Thursday evening.
5. How? Early, easy dinner. Quick clean up. Rush kids to bed. Wait till they settle in... and then set up our movie. Some people suggest having your own meal after the kids are in bed. To me, that's just more work. We eat with the kids, but might have ice cream or something with the movie. Or not.
6. Why? While our children are a major part of our who, Geoff and I are also our own who, a who that we want to survive beyond the days of raising children. It's important to do things together, even if it is just sacking out on the couch and mindlessly watching a movie - if we're lucky, one without dragons, princesses, cartoons, or farting jokes. Or the Force. Because just as there's only so much Star Wars a girl can take, there are only so many kids' movies a couple can take. 

Thank you, Trey, for suggesting this topic. 

I hope all of you have enjoyed reading... 

May you find your own special brand of Dinner and a Movie, 

whatever the size or dynamics of your family!

Readers' Choice

My humble little blog is a mere eight views away from the four thousand mark. Thanks, dear readers, for enabling me to reach this milestone!

However significant or insignificant it may be to reach four thousand views - and I'm guessing it's hardly a blip in the blogosphere - I am thankful to those who have taken the time to peer at life Beyond the White Picket Fence.  

Just for fun, the three all-time top-ranking posts are:

The Real Picture of a Child's Room

Grief and Going On

What's That Poem About Leaving Fingerprints on Walls


(At this point, I'm thinking you all relish the knowledge that my house is a mess...)

Anyhow, thank you for reading my ramblings, commenting now and then, and just... being. Without you, maintaining this blog would have been utterly pointless.

In celebration, in gratitude, and for the sheer fun of it, I'm leaving the subject of my next post up to you, on the condition that you post below to give me a subject. Ask a question, suggest a topic, funny, serious, whatever...

If it's within reason, I'll tackle it!